Defining The Grey Area
BBC series about the consequences of rape
I find it challenging to see abuse towards women on screen. It hurts me to acknowledge there is still a lot of sexual injustice towards the female population in many parts of the globe, including our backyards. It was one of the reasons why the 2020 series I May Destroy You stayed on my mental to watch list for over a year.
Even though the issue of non-consensual intimacy is not an easy one, I am proud of Michaela Coel for finding a non-stereotypical way to speak about it. The series is inspired by her personal experience of rape. The talented author left her mark on literally every aspect of the drama: as the leading actress, writer, co-director and producer.
I May Destroy You focuses on Arabella, a promising young writer. At an elegant party in an established London club, she is dragged into the toilet and raped by an anonymous guest. She receives professional support from the Police. After many months, however, the investigation hits a dead end. The perpetrator is not found. Struggling to recover from the damaging experience, Arabella fails to finish her new novel and loses her source of income.
The series also explores what happens when initially consensual sex goes wrong: one side starts photographing or filming, forces anal intercourse, avoids using contraceptives or orchestrates a group act. It shows how awkward it is to stand your ground in those situations. The drama particularly shames removing protection without informing the partner about it. It also touches upon the taboo of homosexual rape.
In the modern culture, where promiscuity is encouraged, safety is not assured. The series addresses the question of personal responsibility. Should we be more aware of how dangerous some seemingly innocent scenarios may be? Or be protected by a law that makes us safe in our sexual adventures? Not the easiest to watch, but perhaps not meant to, I May Destroy You is a broad reflection on the experience of assault and its aftermath.
The drama raises awareness regarding topics that usually stay in the shadows. It shows the importance of discussing the areas of consent in our relationships and when meeting someone for the first time. Rather than going with the flow, naively expecting we like the same things, we need to take time to speak about our preferences.
As more victims open up and share their experiences, I wonder where conversations about personal space are taking us? Perhaps, one day, as a result of the public debate we are having, the law will require everyone to sign a consent form detailing the areas of agreement before engaging in any intercourse, particularly with a perfect stranger from a dating app? Would it be an exaggeration? Or a clarification, allowing law enforcement if the line of mutually enjoyable sex is crossed?
Like many women forced into intercourse I did not agree to, I hope that there will be more awareness in regards to consent, lifting the stigma of shame, bringing light into the grey corners of human intimacy. Defined laws should protect women and men worldwide from various forms of rape. I believe there will be more safety for us in the decades to come as we continue to speak about our experiences and expect responses. Am I an optimist to believe in a better future and a more regulated law? I want like to think I am only a realist.
Agnes Prygiel / London / 30.01.2022